Tuesday Morning Thoughts: Madness

This is the weirdest image I could find in a Google "March Madness" images search.

March Madness...

1. This is probably the second best time of year for a sports’ fan. There is that little window in December where you have NFL Football, College Football, College Basketball, and NBA Basketball all either in regular season or playoff mode. But besides that period, March Madness may take the cake. The sun is out longer during the day, it’s warmer, people are coming out of their winter hibernation (March is about the time people start working out again, running outside, etc.), and everything just seems, well, bright. Add in Duke, North Carolina, UCon, Michigan State and then the Gonzaga, Xavier, Western Kentucky’s of the world, you have everything a sporting event should have: Players deciding games, David versus Goliath, immediacy of results (no 7 game series), and of course Cinderella’s. It’s just perfect.

2. Up until this Sunday, I wasn’t really sure Robert Morris existed. Yeah, of course I heard of it. But it was more of a legend or myth than fact. Despite living in the Chicago-land area most of my entire life, I have never met anyone who actually went to Robert Morris College. Thankfully, March Madness gives us proof that Robert Morris does exist. Of course, there is also a 95% possibility that the Robert Morris College I am thinking about is not the same as the team in the tourney. For all I know, there is a Robert Morris University out there. And that is what makes March Madness so great. Half the time you don’t even know where the hell these schools are domiciled AND whether the Loyola you know (in Chicago) is the same as the Loyola often playing in the Tourney (it is not).

3. I bet that 99% of people could not tell you where Kent State, Morehead State, Radford, and Morgan State are located?

4. I get that the “short-shorts” era of basketball has come to an end. I for one strongly support the longer shorts era. But the basketball shorts college teams are wearing these days are not shorts. They are loose fitting pants. Check out Syracuse’s uniforms or for that matter almost any Big East or C-USA school’s uniform. They make Rafeal Nadal’s capri-pants look like Stockton shorts. Moreover, how do they dribble the ball between their legs? One would assume that the loose, dangling cotton fabric would cause more turnovers than a Gary Payton like defender (Wow, Gary Payton. Never thought I would use his name at this site). If the trend continues, pretty soon players will be wearing the long “man” dresses worn by Middle Eastern men riding in the desert. That or the Scottish Kilt look will make its way.

5. Picking the NCAA tournament is sort of like picking clothes out for your wife or girlfriend. You really have no idea what you’re doing or what you should be looking for. The only thing that’s different is that you don’t feel uncomfortable making tourney picks like you do deciding on whether to go with the tankini or tank top. (FYI a Tankini is a two piece bathing suit with the top resembling a tank top. According to a random Google search, this exists. This is probably sold more in places like Indiana and Iowa. I’m just saying). Anyway, a monkey probably has the same odds as you of picking the final four teams. To put this into better perspective, your wife or significant other has 50/50 odds at beating you in a tournament pool.

6. Imagine if you were the wife and/or kids of Dick Vitale?

7. So I used the “I have diarrhea” excuse to miss work last year to watch the opening games on Thursday and Friday. (This was the excuse my mom used to get me out of high school. She assumed that no rational person would fake using this excuse due to the negative stigma attached to liquid and curdled shit. Thanks mom. It did work though). What can I go with this year? Sorry, my gonorrhea is acting up? Or, my hemorrhoids are real bad?

More random thoughts…

8. The Bears locked up Nick Roach to a one year contract. Look out NFL.

9. If you have never checked it out, Brad Bigg’s blog on the Sun-Times is probably the best place to get new information on the Bears. Check it out here. For instance, veteran safeties Glenn Earl and Curome Cox and linebacker Tim McGarigle will participate in the three-day minicamp on a tryout basis. I said the website was good for new information, not important information. It is the Bears remember.

10. I will root for almost any Big Ten team. This includes Purdue (I went to Indiana). I am a big fan of the conference pride thing. Luckily, I have never been put into a position to support the Northwestern Wildcats. I just can’t get over their purple colors.

11. The Bulls completely destroyed the New Orleans Hornets this past Saturday. This means absolutely nothing.

12. If Detroit or Minnesota get Jay Cutler instead of the Bears, I will contemplate my decision to be a Bears fan. (Note this happens about every season, but this would be the earliest it has ever happened).

13. Mike and Mike and Waddle and Silvey remind me of the Cosby Show. Just good and wholesome.

14. Mike North, John Jurkovic, Harry Teinowitz, and Boers and Bernstein remind me of the Real World. Just bad, sleazy and dirty.

15. How can I get in on this Bernie Madoff investment fund? Honestly, for some reason the name “Bernie Madoff” just seems like a pyramid scheme waiting to happen. If a friend told me, “Hey, I know this great investor I’m giving my money to. His name is Bernie Madoff, you should give him a call.” My response would be, “Dude, you realize you’ll never see your money again. Right?”

16. I love how “Boom Goes the Dynamite” is being used by everyone now. If you were that poor You Tube tragedy of a boy, how do you deal with it? I often wonder how he is doing these days? Is he depressed or suicidal? Pitifully, I always imagine him with a rags to riches story. He’s somewhere in Oregon making $500k a year as a sports’ reporter for the NBC affiliate. This is how I think.

Trade for Jay Cutler Now!

The Chicago Tribune reports that Jay Cutler wants out of Denver. Jerry Angelo should get on the phone and offer our 1st and 2nd round draft picks and a one-way ticket for Cutler to Chicago NOW!

Maybe that deal still doesn't get it done, but honestly, whatever it takes, get Cutler to Chicago. Forget the ridiculous One City, One Team commercials, the Bears' new motto should just read " Jay Cutler is a Chicago Bear".

This completely goes against some of my philosophies on the quarterback position, namely that offensive line play and the caliber of WRs and RBs make the QB. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. We need someone to solidify the Bears' QB position. Not just for one or two year like the Grossman/Orton era, but for 10 years. If you get Cutler, there would be no more second guessing the QB position . Sure our offensive may still perform poorly, but it would be due to our mediocre WRs and line play, and not the QB.

As I've said before, the Chicago Bears have instituted a policy of sitting out free agency, and for that matter the NFL. From this fan's perspective, stop whatever it is you think are doing and get Cutler. Forget the Division 3 cornerback you have listed as your #1 draft priority or the offensive lineman with chronic back pain you have listed at #18 on your board and get Cutler.

Of course the odds of the Bears getting Cutler are 2%.

Are the Chicago Bears Just Cheap?

Josh Bullocks, Chicago Bears new signing.

I am a little bored and have some time on my hands, so here is my chat with I-truth reprinted from memory.

I-Truth: So did you hear the Bears signed some guy named Josh Bullocks? Who the hell is Josh Bullocks?

DaChiFAn: Some safety from the Saints. I have no idea if he’s good, but I read that he got benched at the beginning of the season for another player. And this is on a team that has the worst pass defense in the NFL. That can’t be good.

I-Truth: Well did they pay him a lot?

DaChiFan: Not really, it’s a one year deal for 1M, but only $500K is guaranteed.

DaChiFan: Yo, do you think that our criticism of Angelo and Lovie is unfair and that the real problem is the Bears and the McCaskey’s are a cheap organization? Or maybe they just don’t have enough money to pony up on a $15M signing bonus.

I-Truth: That’s crazy. It’s the Chicago Bears. They are like the Cubs, their tickets are sold out within 5 minutes. Every game is sold out and they have an amazingly large and loyal fanbase. No way they can’t afford to pay out a large signing bonus. Maybe they are cheap, but they have the money.

DaChiFan: How else do you explain their lack of signing players. They are $30M under the cap and haven’t signed anyone. I have no idea how wealthy the owners are, but what if their main source of income is the Bears. We already know that not all NFL franchises make money. I assume the Bears do, but that doesn’t mean they can afford to shell out $15M in signing bonus to a player in a lump sum payment, let alone the $100M they have to pay for all players during the year. $15M all at once is a lot of money, especially since a credit line is a lot harder to get a hold of these days.

I-Truth: No, I just think they don’t know what they are doing. They have the money. Again, they have the Cubs disease. Why shell out all that money? People are always going to pay to see the games, who cares if they are actually good. Cut down your costs on player salaries, make the same revenues, and put the profits in your pocket. It makes rational sense to me.

DaChiFan: It is kind of weird that they release Metcalf and sign someone else on the same day- sort of ironic.

I-Truth: Yeah, I saw that. They should have cut him 5 years ago. I have no idea how he got paid so much money and never once performed on the field.

DaChiFan: He must have had something on Angelo or Lovie. There is no reason he should’ve been paid that much and stayed that long.

I-Truth: No doubt.

Champions League: Arsenal Win by Penalty

There's really nothing to write about today. The Bulls got their behinds handed to them in Orlando. They are more 99-2000 Bulls than 90-93 Bulls. I think we all know the answer to their story. They will somehow manage to get the 7th or 8th seed, increase optimism in city, and then get swept in 1st round. As Bill Simmons would say.. Ladies and Gentlemen your Chicago Bulls.

So, I decided to fill you in on one of the greatest sporting competitions in the world, the Champions League. Basically they take the best futbol clubs from all the European leagues. For instance, Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester United (from England's Premier LEague) are selected to play, along the likes of Barcelona, Real Madrid, A.C. Milan and Juventus (the best clubs from Spain and Italy). The put all these great teams into a round robin tournament and then have a playoff. As an added twist for the playoffs, the teams play a home and away game. So Arsenal beat Roma (from Italy) at home 1-0. They then traveled yesterday to Rome to play the away game. Roma won 1-0. But, in aggregate the real score was 1-1. So they played overtime and then finally penalty kicks to break the tie breaker (the photo above shows Arsenal going crazy after scoring the game wining penalty).

Anyway, the Champions League is truly brilliant because you not only have team pride on the line, but also some country pride on the line. Commentators often argue which country has the best league. For example, this year England's Premier League has 4 teams advancing to the quarterfinals.

I'd love to give some of you non-futbol people an example of what this compares to, but there is no true analogy. The best parallel might be if the top 4 teams from the NBA played in a different league with the top teams from Europe or Asia. Except, unlike the basketball, the "other" teams are on the same playing field (i.e. the Italian teams are just as good as the spanish, english, german or french teams).

So if your interested, check out the champions league games. They are typically on ESPN's family of networks. The next games will occur during the first and second week of April. And of course, go Gunners.

Tuesday Morning Thoughts: Cubs, Sox and Blackhawks

Reed Johnson of the Cubs.

A little sprinkle of Cubs, Sox and Hawk.s

1. There is no better sport’s quote than T.O.’s “I love me some me”. It just doesn’t get any better than that.

2. I like the Kevin Jones signing. Hopefully, the Bears will actually play him this year. Forte is still the man of course, but Jones can alleviate Forte’s carry burden. Then, (and I realize this is completely crazy and so out of the box), we can use Garret Wolfe sometimes as a 3^rd down running back. If Darren Sproles can do it, so can Wolfe. Unfortunately, I hear talks of them getting rid of Wolfe for the Fake Russell Athletic Adrian Peterson. If true, the Bears must still want to give more time for Fake AP to develop. As if his ceiling didn’t occur 5 years ago. Seriously, drop Fake AP like it’s hot and utilize the strengths of your RBs.

3. It is impossible to say anything about the Bulls. They’re like that blue girl in the X-Men movies, constantly changing. Sometimes they are good, sometimes bad, and a whole lot of average. I want to say that Salmons and Brad Miller are a great addition, but I can’t several games left in the season. I want to praise Tyrus and Noah, but that’s just bound to come back to haunt me. This I do know, Deng’s soft and Hinrich’s best position is bench player. To think that we may let Ben Gordon go, (a guy that I’m not even a big fan of) because of the bloated salaries of Deng and Hinrich is ridiculous.

4. The World Baseball Classic is occurring at this moment. Baseball must be the only sport where the most insignificant countries can reach the big stage: Cuba, Dominic Republic, and Puerto Rico. How are countries with populations of 4 to 11 million people able to compete at this level? Pretty simple, people in Europe, Africa, and South American just don’t give a f$%^ about baseball (Venezuela and Holland don't count). But, it’s still impressive as they are going up against the U.S.A. with population of 300 million and competing. Does everyone just take “Boli” in these countries?

5. At the risk of saying anything about the unsteady Bulls, I would be comfortable seeing the Bulls in the playoffs with a lineup of Noah, Tyrus, Deng, Salmons and Rose with BG scoring points off the bench and Miller coming in for Noah and Tyrus. Kirk can give Rose some minutes as well. That’s already a much better defensive unit than the current roster. However, we can’t rely on Deng evidently because his pinky may get hurt. So it’s probably Salmons at SF with Gordon playing SG, which is fine.

6. I like this Reed Johnson guy of the Cubs. I kind of like Gordon Beckham of the Sox. I’m excited to see what this Samuel Pahlsson guy can do for the Hawks. Check, check and check.

7. I recently watched Step Brothers and I actually loved it. It made me laugh a lot. I think the key to liking these movies is attitude and circumstance. Watching this kind of movie with a couple of friends, late at night, on DVD, in a good mood, with no expectations drastically increases the odds of liking this kind of movie. If you watch Step Brothers with high expectations, in a movie theater, when you are in the mood for a drama, it’s just not going to happen.

8. While writing this, I think Luol Deng broke his left anterior eyelash. He’s out 2 weeks.

9. March Madness is around the corner. I’ve got to win one of these office/friends’ pools once in my lifetime. Any thoughts? I don’t watch enough college basketball to have any informed thought, so I usually just copy Seth Davis’ predictions. But here’s the thing, Seth Davis (or any of these TV personalities) have no clue what’s going to happen. I then go to my second order rankings. I dismiss all the pseudo large conferences like the Big 12 and anyone other than Memphis in whatever conference they play in. Pitts out because it f’n Pittsburgh. They shouldn’t win anything not related to NFL football. Louisville? No, too dainty for me. Duke? No, not dark enough (j/K). No, seriously they won’t win it. Oklahoma? How on god’s green earth do I pick and root for a team from Oklahoma? Pac-10? Over-rated, Da Da DADA-DA, OVER-RATED, Da DA DADA-DA. Big Ten? They’ll have one team go far simply because no other conference is prepared for the 35 to 28 score-line. But you can’t pick one of the Big Ten teams to go all the way- either they go to the final four or lose in the 1^st round. Big Ten teams are too big of a risk. I really like the U-Conns of the world, but I don’t think they have enough. . Alright, North Carolina. (See how my logic doesn’t get me anywhere).

10. I tried watching that Comcast show, Monsters in the Morning with Jiggets and Mike North. Unwatchable. I couldn’t go longer than 5 minutes. I love Jiggets, but Mike North makes my ears want to vomit. It’s like they obtained food poisoning, except its audible, and my body needs to regurgitate what it heard. Mike North is terrible. I listen to him and always think “What? Do they speak English in What? “ I just can’t understand what he’s saying. For those of you who love Mike North, well let’s just say we have different tastes.

More Random Thoughts….

11. Quick what’s the college that Bill Cosby wanted Denise to attend? It’s the same one that created the spin off- A Different World? Hillman!! Part of me always wanted to attend the fictional Hillman.

12. A friend of mine made me watch a full episode of King of Queens with Kevin James. I like Kevin James, but let’s just say I won’t be seeking said friend’s advice on the merits of a TV show.

13. I went to Indiana for college, which was fine. But, if I had to it all over again, I would have tried to attend North Carolina, even Duke, and maybe some west coast school like USC. Maybe even a Penn State or Michigan.

14. On the other hand, these schools would be off my list: Purdue, Iowa, Iowa State, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Nebraska, or even a Pittsburgh (I could go on, but you get the point). No sound basis for this, just my thoughts.

Oh No! A T.O. Column

After criticizing people for going TO crazy this past week, it looks like I'm about to fall in the same trap. I don't know maybe it's a disease. I got a major case of TO and feel the need to talk about it. Well that and what else can I write about? Kevin Jones?

So T.O. signed with the Buffalo Bills for one year at about 6 million. While all the TO speculation was going on last week, I wondered when the TO phenomenon would come to an end. Namely, when will TO stop being TO. At some point his production will go down and all we will be left with are his crazy antics. At some point, TO will just fade away and retire. (Of course he'll always be there. Probably on ESPN replacing Michael Irvin. Or acting in some Tyler Perry sitcom. Or on the NFL Network as he trains NFL prospects for the combine under his training company "Love Me Some ME".)

Anyway, once I heard the Buffalo rumors I saw the writing on the wall. T.O. is finished. Not because his talents are diminishing, but because it's highly, highly unlikely he will continue to perform at the same level in Buffalo. Just like Muhsin Muhammed said about the Bears, (that's were receivers go to die), Buffalo is where T.O. goes to die (not literally of course).

He will be coached by perhaps one of the worst (although he is really, realy nice) coaches in the NFL in Dick Jauron. Can you see Jauron gaining the respect of TO? From what I can tell, Dick Jauron hasn't spoken a word in 10 years. What will he be able to say to TO to calm him down? Worse, he'll be catching passes from Trend Edwards. Wtih the legal troubles of Lynch and the poor offensive line play in Buffalo, T.O. will be the only playmaker on that team. No more Romo, Whitten, Marion Barber, Roy Williams, McNabb, or Brian Westbrook to alleviate the game pressure. No, it's just you now TO. As teams double team you and Trent Edwards throws poor balls because of constant pressure, TO will either explode like mentos in Diet Coke or fade away into mediocrity. Either way, it's the end of the TO saga.

Well, at least until the "Love Me Some Me" company goes online.

Dallas Cuts TO and I Don't Care

I should make this an annual column, but until then I'll just write the following. They represent items that almost always grab the media's attention, require unnecessary amount of analysis, for an enormous amount of time, for an issue I just don't care about.

1. TO does anything and I don't care. Can we just be done with the TO thing? Sure he's talented, but he really hasn't done anything the past two seasons. He is the new Mike Tyson where any public stunt attracts attention and elevates his persona despite his diminishing skills. TO epitomizes the any news is good news world.

2. Dallas Cowboys do anything and I don't care. Honestly, stop it with the Cowboys hysteria. I get it, Jerry Jones is a crazy guy who spends money. Can we just move on.

3. Famous baseball player X, took steroids and I don't care. This shouldn't surprise anyone anymore. Selig, the owners and the union allowed the steroid era to save baseball (yes, I said it). When you have no system to test Steroids up until 2004, don't be surprised if your athletes take steroids to get better.

4. Anything to do with NASCAR- I just don't care. It's not a sport, it's not even racing. I guess you can call it "drifting". If you only drive in a circle with an incline that prevents you from driving off the track, you are not racing. Racing requires you to enter and exit tight corners. Only in America can we make something that is actually interesting into a stupid event.

5. Tiger Woods. It's Tiger, Tiger Woods yall and I don't care. I respect Golf because it's an impossible game to play. But, I just don't care. One guy with some athleticism has managed to beat a bunch of old white guys in a game that up until a few decades ago was only played by old white men. (The Golf course across the street from where I grew up, wouldn't let any non-white people play there. And this was in the 90s. And I say this as a Caucasian).

6. The Bears sign Frank Omiyale, Israel Idonije and the Fake Adrien Peterson and I don't care.

7. Bob Knight (insert other A-hole coaches) are really, deep down great guys and I don't care. They are assholes. Can we get Knight off of my TV screen so I don't have to listen to his garbage.

8. Lebron James is awesome and I don't care. Wake me up when he wins something.

9. Peter King says X player should be in the Hall of Fame and I don't care. Why am I listening to you? (Well I must admit I do read your MMQB every week).

10. Spring Training and I don't care.