Tuesday Morning Thoughts

This week's theme... Do's and Don'ts.

1. Evidently, if you are going to pick up a baby you shouldn't pull the baby from the head. But instead, should cradle their back.

2. Do not watch a game with a fantasy football crazed addict next you. I've said this before. There is nothing more annoying than watching the Bears game with a Bear friend and then listen to him get excited when Michael Turner scores on the Bears, b/c he is on his fantasy team.

3. Do no watch a Bears game with family and extended family, especially when said family has several young children who constantly want to cry and/or play with you- usually both at the same time. This mixture of football (especially when Bears are losing) and family/baby time often results in you wanting to throw yourself from the balcony.

4. Do preemptively write stories/e-mails poking fun of your fantasy football team b/c they suck, in an effort to subside the bashing you will get from your league friends. This is very important. Do not defend your shitty fantasy football team. Do make fun of it. Its like the small kid in grade school. Become funny, or you will get beaten up.

5. Do not work out for 2 years and then play racquetball, thinking that you "still got it" and expect to not be sore tomorrow.

6. On that note, do not become old. I twisted by ankle by simply walking yesterday.

7. Do strike friend in ass with racquetball.

8. Do wear Chicago Bears blue or white jerseys in support of your team. DO NOT wear orange jerseys. Its a simple rule. Just follow it you mindless consumer.

9. Do not kick the ball to the 40 yard line on a kick off, repeatedly, when Devin Hester hasn't moved the ball on a kick off past 20 yards. Thanks Minnesota.

10. Lastly, Do figure out a way to end a gmail chat nicely. I am currently chatting an old friend from high-school and have no idea when to end this conversation. Can I just exit Gmail? Its not like I'm going to see them soon. How do you get out of this?