Tuesday Morning Thoughts: Execrable Commercials

This image resulted from a Goggle images search of "Best Commercials". I concur. Although today, the young Cindy Crawford would be called a plus sized model. Alright, this week's TMT theme? Terrible commercials and advertisements.

1. The Bud Light "Drinkability" commercials. No its not taste I'm after, I'm just looking for a really drinkable drink. You know the kind of substance that is fluid and can be digested without chewing. A drink that is kind of like water because water is drinkable.

2. Every Coors commercial that I've seen. I think Coors is trying to set the record for number of ways you can innovate a can/bottle. We've got the "vent" can, the "the mountain's will turn blue when its cold bottle", and the best one ever "we transport our beer in an ice train" so it stays cold during transportation commercials. Never mind that the beer lays warm in the retail store before its sold. Anyway, I think what Coors is really trying to get across is the following: "Listen- our beer sucks, but our can's are pretty cool".

3. The Bulls Love it Live marketing campaign. To be truthful, the Ads should say, "Listen the Bulls suck, but we got the best acrobats, fat men dancing, ugliest cheerleaders, and a donut race". P.S. This is why I don't pay anymore to attend Bulls games. Its nauseating how much extra crap they're trying to shower us with. Here's a thought, how about you dazzle me with great basketball, instead of the Chinese bowl acrobat lady.

4. I saw this commercial this morning and found it funny. Word for word, "Lipozene is not for people who want to lose weight, its for people who want to lose pounds of fat".

5. The Bears still run Ads marketing that "single game tickets are on sale". Never mind that all single game tickets were sold-out on July 17th, 5 minutes after they went on sale. So the Bears are paying money for advertisements for a product that doesn't even exist. Kind of like how Bears fans have been paying money for a product that doesn't really exist.

Random Thoughts.

6. MLB still hasn't dished out the Cy Young(s), best manager, and other major awards. I'm not even sure they've given out the MVP award. Is this their attempt to stay relevant almost a month after the season ends? Baseball should take a lesson from real sports and issue these awards when they are relevant (i.e. the post-season). Why is baseball so f'n backward? People stopped paying attention to the sport when it was decided that the Phillies and Rays would go to the World Series. Should we now care who is going to win the Cy Young in November? Move on.

7. Saginasty Bags ( co-contributor to this website, although he doesn't contribute), is a Lions fan. Yesterday, he e-mailed me and poked fun of how soft Kyle Orton was because he needed a cart when he hurt his ankle against the Lions. His argument was that he was at the game and all the Lions fans were shocked about his low pain tolerance. As I pointed out to him yesterday, his logic is so irrelevant and flawed that I couldn't possibly respond to Orton's pain tolerance threshold issues. Instead, I list the Lions past and present QBs:. Joey Harrington ( I should stop here, but...) John Kitna, Mike McMahon, Orlovsky, Josh McNown, Rodney Peete, Charlie Batch, Scott Mitchell, Stony Case, Frank Reich, Dan Majkowski, and now, Daunte Cullpeper and Drew Stanton. Brilliant. I actually think this group is worse than the Bears history of QBs. At least Jim McMahon won a SB and people have heard of our hall of fame QB, Sid Luckman.

8. I had dinner with my wife's co-workers, who happen to be gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that, to steal a Seinfeld Quote. But, when gay men make lewd dick jokes, it's not funny. Its creepy and makes things rather uncomfortable if your straight. Again, not that there is anything wrong with that.

9. I love how some people claimed that making fun of President Bush or rejecting his arguments was somehow unpatriotic, but that making fun of Barack Obama and his message of hope and change is somehow good for the country. Jump aboard people, if he fails (which is a possibility) we might be making counterfeit Rolex watches and selling them to people in China and India.

10. Tony Kornheiser is the worst MNF commentator not named Dennis Miller, ever. Tony stop asking Jaws questions about football. I believe that the person commenting about a football game should know the game, instead of asking his co-commentators about whether such and such play was really a penalty or whether Shaun Hill is a good QB.

Done.