Tuesday Morning Thoughts: Madness

This is the weirdest image I could find in a Google "March Madness" images search.

March Madness...

1. This is probably the second best time of year for a sports’ fan. There is that little window in December where you have NFL Football, College Football, College Basketball, and NBA Basketball all either in regular season or playoff mode. But besides that period, March Madness may take the cake. The sun is out longer during the day, it’s warmer, people are coming out of their winter hibernation (March is about the time people start working out again, running outside, etc.), and everything just seems, well, bright. Add in Duke, North Carolina, UCon, Michigan State and then the Gonzaga, Xavier, Western Kentucky’s of the world, you have everything a sporting event should have: Players deciding games, David versus Goliath, immediacy of results (no 7 game series), and of course Cinderella’s. It’s just perfect.

2. Up until this Sunday, I wasn’t really sure Robert Morris existed. Yeah, of course I heard of it. But it was more of a legend or myth than fact. Despite living in the Chicago-land area most of my entire life, I have never met anyone who actually went to Robert Morris College. Thankfully, March Madness gives us proof that Robert Morris does exist. Of course, there is also a 95% possibility that the Robert Morris College I am thinking about is not the same as the team in the tourney. For all I know, there is a Robert Morris University out there. And that is what makes March Madness so great. Half the time you don’t even know where the hell these schools are domiciled AND whether the Loyola you know (in Chicago) is the same as the Loyola often playing in the Tourney (it is not).

3. I bet that 99% of people could not tell you where Kent State, Morehead State, Radford, and Morgan State are located?

4. I get that the “short-shorts” era of basketball has come to an end. I for one strongly support the longer shorts era. But the basketball shorts college teams are wearing these days are not shorts. They are loose fitting pants. Check out Syracuse’s uniforms or for that matter almost any Big East or C-USA school’s uniform. They make Rafeal Nadal’s capri-pants look like Stockton shorts. Moreover, how do they dribble the ball between their legs? One would assume that the loose, dangling cotton fabric would cause more turnovers than a Gary Payton like defender (Wow, Gary Payton. Never thought I would use his name at this site). If the trend continues, pretty soon players will be wearing the long “man” dresses worn by Middle Eastern men riding in the desert. That or the Scottish Kilt look will make its way.

5. Picking the NCAA tournament is sort of like picking clothes out for your wife or girlfriend. You really have no idea what you’re doing or what you should be looking for. The only thing that’s different is that you don’t feel uncomfortable making tourney picks like you do deciding on whether to go with the tankini or tank top. (FYI a Tankini is a two piece bathing suit with the top resembling a tank top. According to a random Google search, this exists. This is probably sold more in places like Indiana and Iowa. I’m just saying). Anyway, a monkey probably has the same odds as you of picking the final four teams. To put this into better perspective, your wife or significant other has 50/50 odds at beating you in a tournament pool.

6. Imagine if you were the wife and/or kids of Dick Vitale?

7. So I used the “I have diarrhea” excuse to miss work last year to watch the opening games on Thursday and Friday. (This was the excuse my mom used to get me out of high school. She assumed that no rational person would fake using this excuse due to the negative stigma attached to liquid and curdled shit. Thanks mom. It did work though). What can I go with this year? Sorry, my gonorrhea is acting up? Or, my hemorrhoids are real bad?

More random thoughts…

8. The Bears locked up Nick Roach to a one year contract. Look out NFL.

9. If you have never checked it out, Brad Bigg’s blog on the Sun-Times is probably the best place to get new information on the Bears. Check it out here. For instance, veteran safeties Glenn Earl and Curome Cox and linebacker Tim McGarigle will participate in the three-day minicamp on a tryout basis. I said the website was good for new information, not important information. It is the Bears remember.

10. I will root for almost any Big Ten team. This includes Purdue (I went to Indiana). I am a big fan of the conference pride thing. Luckily, I have never been put into a position to support the Northwestern Wildcats. I just can’t get over their purple colors.

11. The Bulls completely destroyed the New Orleans Hornets this past Saturday. This means absolutely nothing.

12. If Detroit or Minnesota get Jay Cutler instead of the Bears, I will contemplate my decision to be a Bears fan. (Note this happens about every season, but this would be the earliest it has ever happened).

13. Mike and Mike and Waddle and Silvey remind me of the Cosby Show. Just good and wholesome.

14. Mike North, John Jurkovic, Harry Teinowitz, and Boers and Bernstein remind me of the Real World. Just bad, sleazy and dirty.

15. How can I get in on this Bernie Madoff investment fund? Honestly, for some reason the name “Bernie Madoff” just seems like a pyramid scheme waiting to happen. If a friend told me, “Hey, I know this great investor I’m giving my money to. His name is Bernie Madoff, you should give him a call.” My response would be, “Dude, you realize you’ll never see your money again. Right?”

16. I love how “Boom Goes the Dynamite” is being used by everyone now. If you were that poor You Tube tragedy of a boy, how do you deal with it? I often wonder how he is doing these days? Is he depressed or suicidal? Pitifully, I always imagine him with a rags to riches story. He’s somewhere in Oregon making $500k a year as a sports’ reporter for the NBC affiliate. This is how I think.